In the last week or two of every month, I find myself in the church secretary's office helping her (Mary) fold, staple and address the monthly newsletter. Today, we were halfway through the approximately 240 newsletters and our discussion turned to a homeless man who came to our door earlier in the month. Most of the time, anyone looking for food or shelter or just help in general are sent to the Lutheran church down the street, as they hold the money for our local ministerium to give out, but instead, Mary called me and asked me to talk to him.
Tom hadn't eaten in a day and decided to ask for help because it was the first day of the year it had gotten really cold. He was looking for money to catch a bus to the shelter a few towns away. I took Tom in my car to the local McDonalds (his choice). We chatted over the meal, and I asked him for a little bit of his life story. I asked him about how he survives, how he finds food, how he finds money, the things I deemed important to someone who has no place to live. Before we left, I bought him a $25 gift card for more food and as we were leaving (he refused to let me give him a ride) he said he might stop by the church on Sunday. I then said something rather stupid. I said no. I said I didn't want him to come back.
I didn't say it because I didn't want him in the building. I never got around to saying why, cause he started to walk away after shaking my hand. I meant to say I didn't want him to come just because he felt obligated from my generosity, I wanted him to come because he wanted to. It is a shame this moment of stupidity came across to Tom, but that is that and we have not crossed paths since.
Upon coming back, I had the brilliant idea that something needed to be done for people like Tom. He needed a way to make more than $10 a day by asking for spare change. He needed a place where he would be fed, keep warm during the day, and I think most importantly, a job which would work to accomadate his schedule.
I spoke to my supervior, and he agreed that ideas need to be looked at. I spoke to another pastor about the idea, and he gave me a lead or two. I also asked the husband of a friend in Seminary who I thought might know something about this type of thing. I was given a few places to look, but I realized something about myself which I really don't like. I realized that I want the credit for the idea. I want to be the one who gets the glory for the concept, for the work...and it feels awful. I've guarded my idea from many others because of my selfish pride and would have given only lip service to God for the idea had it ever been developed more.
I hope that will change. I hope I start broadening my idea out a little more. One to give others an opportunity to help me in the creative challenges of working on this idea. I also hope that by offering up my ideas, it helps me to release some of the selfishness that I have within me. If I truly believe in community, I really ought to give the community of God the credit for the idea. And hopefully the 7 or so people who read my blog will be able to give insight from their own God given perspectives.
So here is to being less selfish and hoping ideas will come from the communities I belong.
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